Buzz Berries

fish at Texas A&M aren't allowed to express many emotions in public. Intense determination is what you're supposed to see reflected in a fish's face, attitude, posture, etc. The Corps calls this "gung ho," "locked in," "squared away," etc. Even when the fish are allowed to show enthusiasm, via wildcatting, they are supposed to do so in an intensely determined way - no smiling allowed. The slightest hint of a smile, or "buzz" on a fish's face, witnessed by an upper classman, is grounds for some kind of correction - verbal, if the fish belonged to a different outfit than the upper classman, or physical, if the fish was in the same outfit. After all, every upper classman in the outfit is responsible for the quality of the fish in that outfit, and a buzzing fish is a low-quality fish.

One of the goals of the Corps at A&M is cohesion - Aggies stick together, CTs are loyal to the Corps, cadets are proud of their military service and outfit, and each student fiercely identifies with their class. Over 125+ years, one of the primary means of achieving cohesion, especially within each class, is adversity - the class that suffers together, bonds together, and stays together. One of the first things a fish class learns at A&M is that what one fish knows, they all should know; when one fish screws up, they've all screwed up; and when one fish requires punishment, they all participate in that punishment.

Most of the time, upper classmen don't have to look too hard to find a reason to add to the cohesion of the fish class via adversity (e.g., emphasis and correction of an error via physical exertion). "Hit the floor, fish Jones!" is an implied command for all fish to drop and begin doing push-ups. After awhile, though, the fish start to shape up, giving the upper classmen fewer and fewer opportunities to apply that physical correction that they know is essential to creating a cohesive fish class. At that point, upper classmen fall back on a tried-and-true means of causing a fish screw-up - force one or more of them to buzz.

There's always at least one fish in each outfit that is constantly on the ragged edge of mirth, and that fish is usually the target of the upper classmen's (usually white-belted) provocations. Getting that fish to buzz is a lead-pipe cinch - often all it takes is a contorted face on an upper classman, or a stupid quip. Sometimes, such a fish even takes on a nickname related to this condition, that lasts long after the joys of fish-hood are but a dim memory; right, Buzzy? Other fish are more resistant to such provocation. That brings out the creativity in the upper classmen.

If you haven't already read the memory titled, "Pecan Races," read it now. I'll wait.

I want you to recall the scenario described therein, where upper classmen return to the dorm after midnight, not yet drunk enough to pass out, and still in search of entertainment. Besides pecan races, there were many other ways these besotted juniors and seniors found to "have fun with the fish". One of them involved waking up the fish in a hole, and trying to make them buzz. Rather than physical punishment, however, the consequences of buzzing in this situation usually consisted of the fish being required to ingest some quantity of "buzz berries" - the shredded red peppers you find in a pizza joint in a metal-topped shaker, usually right next to a similar container of parmesan cheese. The more likely it was than a particular upper classman would imbibe to excess on a weekend and would want to harass some fish for entertainment, the more likely it was that that upper classman had a container of "buzz berries" in his room. Funny how that works out.

I don't remember the participants in the following vignette, but the memory itself is indelible - two drunken juniors, two fish roused violently from a deep sleep, and multiple failed attempts at getting them to buzz. Finally, one of the upper classmen brought out the buzz equivalent of nuclear weapons. "All right, fish, stand facing one another, put your right index finger in each other's navels, and hum 'Jesus Loves Me!'" Buzz berries were consumed in large quantities.

John (Yankus) Yantis