Dumpster Diving

The Corps at A&M had (and I hope still has) a strong tradition for promoting good grades. One of those traditions was Call to Quarters (CQ). All fish and pissheads were expected to be at their desks studying, Sunday night through Friday night, from 7:30 - 10:30 PM. We couldn't retire to the rack to study - we had to be sitting at our desks awake with books or study materials in front of us. Sergebutts patrolled throughout the evening and checked in on us.

That policy is what led Mike (Polar Bear) Shurley to his moniker. Mike was always rotund and prone to overheating. Apparently, studying really heated him up. So, his custom was to turn the air conditioner on high, strip down to his underwear, turn his own personal fan on high, and direct it on himself. His poor ol' lady sat there shivering the evening away while wearing layers of clothing to prevent freezing.

And those air conditioners worked plenty well. We all kept cans of soda in our footlockers. When thirsty, we wrapped wet washrags around the cans and laid them on the air conditioner vent. They cooled down nicely.

But, I digress.

Each outfit kept a quiz file. Guys would keep copies of exams from various professors and turn them into the sergebutt who was the designated Scholastic Sergeant. These exams were sorted by subject and by professor. We were encouraged to check out exams to study before major tests, especially finals.

Well, my first semester I lived next to a zip (Randy McMullen) who had done nothing but go out drinking beer every night that semester, and he was a math major. He was in a near state of panic over the thought of finals.

So, he recruited me and a couple of other fish to go dumpster diving for him. At the time I had absolutely no idea of the danger I was about to get into.

The essence of dumpster diving is this. Back then the professors all mimeographed their exams. A mimeograph required a paper master that was then reproduced and finally thrown away after 20 or 30 copies. Dumpster diving meant that you crawled into the dumpster at night and searched though all of the trash in there looking for discarded master of exams. With luck, we would find the master that McMullen needed and he would ace the test the next day.

Two of us crawled into the dumpster to do the rummaging while the third fish stood guard outside to warn us of anyone approaching. Apparently, someone from a nearby civilian dorm saw us and called the campus cops. They came racing to the scene too quickly for us to escape and run for it.

We had enough warning, however, so that we were able to burrow under the trash. We dared not move for what seemed like 10 or 15 minutes while the cops searched in and around the dumpster for miscreants.

They finally left and out watch-fish gave us the all clear.

We never found the exams we were looking for and I never dumpster dived again.

Tom (TE) Schoolcraft