Christmas at the Shiloh

(Our fish year outfit Christmas Party at the Shiloh Hall)

I remember the Christmas party was an all hands gathering at the old Shiloh Club which was actually an old wooden church converted into a meeting hall. It was a few miles outside of town, I can't even remember exactly where, it doesn't matter. The old church had wooden floors and a high ceiling with exposed rafters, and a raised floor were the altar must have been. Outside were wooden steps leading up to the double entryway doors. No parking lot to speak of, just a dirt and grassy area out front in which to park. It was very remote at that time...way out in the boonies somewhere.

The Christmas Party was an annual event attended only by the Heaven's Eleven cadet's...thankfully, there were no dates or outsiders, just us good 'ol God Sent, Hell Bent bubbas. As I recall, someone, maybe fish Shirley or fish Griffin (one of the Great White Hunters), had bagged a couple of huge mule deer for the bar-b-que. They hung for a week from a couple of shower heads in the community bathroom. I remember FREEZING to death trying to take a shower with those dead bucks. The windows to the showers had to be left open to keep the deer chilled to the frosty outside temperature of 45 degrees! You could see your breath in there it was so cold.

It was traditional for the squadron fish to present Christmas gifts to the upper classman. My wife, fish Lutz and I prepared gifts for our two upper classmen. I just can't remember who they were...maybe fish Lutz can refresh my memory. Our ingenuity in gift selection was not hampered by our severe lack of funds. We worked hard in preparing our special surprises for our two recipients, and it took weeks for the gifts to be ready. Our two gifts were made from raw hamburger meat. Each was placed in a separate shoe box, wrapped in ribbon and placed on the top of our closets for three weeks.

The evening of the Christmas Party was indeed festive. The shower stall bucks were finally butchered and prepared to perfection, it was good to end the tick and flea infestation suffered while living with the hanging carcasses. There was baked artillery (beans), and cold rabbit (cole slaw), mashed spuds (potatoes) and lube (gravy), tons of deal (bread) and of course the bullneck (deer) doused in thick red bar-b-que sauce. And of course, there was plenty of liquid refreshment for those whom might partake.

There was toasting, and singing, and whooping and hollering. There was handle dropping, back slapping, back stabbing, and generally a good time to be had by all. As dinner came to a close, it was time for the presentation of gifts. My wife, fish Lutz and I waited excitedly for our turn to present our gifts to our two lucky recipients. They were called up to the stage to accept their gifts and with glee, fish Lutz and I watched as they pulled the ribbons loose and flipped open the tops of the shoe boxes. There seemed to be a moment's hesitation, a pregnant pause of disbelief...then WHAM...the stench of three week old rotten hamburger meat left no doubt as to the depth of our emotions and feelings for our upperclassmen.

"OH MA GAWD!!! WHAT THE..........???!!!" was the choked response from our seemingly overwhelmed recipients. "OPEN THE DANG WINDOW! FAST!!!" yelled one of the two. A pisshead opened a nearby window and the two gifts went flying into the night. I suppose it was the sight of a food source being slung across the room that initiated the next response...

"FOOOOOOOOD FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!"

It was like a grenade had gone off! Pandemonium! People hit the deck, jumped over chairs, grabbing fistfuls of ammo as they went. Baked beans and greasy leg bones sailed through the air like a thousand archers' arrows on a medieval battlefield. Table and pews were thrown to their sides, battle lines were drawn, defensive perimeters established. Attack followed reattack. Cole slaw, mashed potatoes, huge pitchers of beer splattered wildly like deadly Civil War grapeshot. War whoops and rebel yells resounded, and the cries of the injured and dying mixed with the the jubilant howls of those who had found their mark. A roar filled the Yuletide air like the howling of a furious hurricane. Finally, after what seemed like hours but was only minutes, and as the last dinner rolls were expended in a futile attempt at influencing the outcome of a winless war, an eerie quiet settled over the scene. A gentle snow began to fall (somewhere in the world).

"Oh, ohh." was all fish Lutz could say to me. We stood there in the dirt parking lot, it was a cold sunless morning and our heads were still throbbing, SPLITTING would be a better word. He and I were in charge of cleanup detail. We were the first on the scene and the sight was not a pretty one. The double doors were opened wide and there was a green garden hose snaking up the wooden steps and into the old church. As we approached, we could hear mournful crying, more like hopeless whimpering, coming from inside the building. Struggling up the stairs, we reached the entrance and peered into the darkened room. There in the center of the hall, standing in a huge pool of water was a little 'ol lady with the green water hose in her hand. She was looking up as she tried desperately to hose off the sticky baked beans and bar-b-que sauce from the high wooden ceilings of the old church. A strange solution of water, cole slaw, and mashed potatoes rained down on her and swirled around her soaked shoes.

"Ah, fish Mitchell, let me handle this," said fish Lutz as our eyes adjusted to the dim light and we began to appreciate the most incredible devastation ever witnessed. I now know what it must be like to stand at ground zero at Hiroshima, or at Dresden after the horrible fire bombings, or to survive the mighty San Francisco earthquake of 1909. It was....it was....so beautiful!

You know, to this day I cannot remember cleaning up that place. I think the little 'ol lady chased us out of there with her water hose and threatened to kill us if we ever came back....we never did. But sometimes when my mind is at rest and I reflect on the times of my life, I DO go back, back there to the 'Ol Shiloh Club. However, that very definitely was NOT the best of times....it was the GREATEST OF TIMES!!!

With all apologies for the inherent twisting of facts and faces, that is what I remember about the Christmas Party at the 'Ol Shiloh Club.

fish Mitchell

Embellishments by John Yantis (Yankus)

<snip> As I recall, someone, maybe fish Shirley or fish Griffin (one of the Great White Hunters), had bagged a couple of huge mule deer for the bar-b-que.

I may be getting my stories mixed up here, but I think it was Vernon Carr, who hit a deer on the way back from a visit home, and brought it back to the dorm, where it was field-dressed in the shower. When the janitor came through on Monday, he called the police, because with all the blood and guts there, he was sure someone had been murdered and dismembered! When the Comedy Cops checked it out, and discovered it was just harvested road kill intended for an outfit BBQ, they ignored it.

<snip> My wife, fish Lutz and I prepared gifts for our two upper classmen. I just can't remember who they were...maybe fish Lutz can refresh my memory.

It was Barnes and the gorilla/caveman Jackson.

<snip> As dinner came to a close, it was time for the presentation of gifts.

I remember your and Lutz' "present", but the one before that brought down the house. Remember Tim Davis? His Zip year he sported a kind of wiry haircut for his bright red hair, and frequently wandered the halls drunk, wearing a Nazi storm-trooper helmet, and hollering, "Goddam! Goddam!".

Scott Smythe (the Flea) and his old lady (Hank Hury?) drew Davis for the recipient of their fish gift. I can still see the Flea on the stage at the Shiloh, strutting around wearing a Nazi helmet, hollering, "Goddam! Goddam!".

But what put everyone on the floor laughing was when he took off the helmet, revealing several bright-red Brillo pads stuck to the top of his head.

<snip> "FOOOOOOOOD FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!"

Your description of the food fight was perfect! Exactly like I semi-remember it (by that time, I had killed a lot of brain cells with barley-pop).

<snip> You know, to this day I can not remember cleaning up that place. I think the little 'ol lady chased us out of there with her water hose and threatened to kill us if we ever came back....we never did.

I distinctly remember cleaning the place. The worst part was the mustard stains that went all the way up the walls, and we couldn't get them out, even with the garden hose. There were also the remains of several kegs in the yard, as well as deer bones and paper trash. I believe (Animal can confirm this) that our party caused the owners of the Shiloh Club to ban its use by any Corps outfit from then on. So the Heaven's Eleven 1968 Christmas party was the last of its kind held there.

<snip> However, that very definitely was NOT the best of times....it was the GREATEST OF TIMES!!!

Amen!

Embellishments by Ray Gonzales (Gonzo)

1. I remember going to take a shower late on the night that Vernon Carr was hanging his prized kill...I think it was a Friday night because I know I had had a few beers that evening with some of my fish buds. It was not good timing on my part since I remember I had to whip out to the deceased as Vernon admired his trophy and took it upon himself to speak for Bambi. I admit I probably startled ol Vern because his first words were something like "what the fuck are you looking at, fish Gonzales?" It was pretty much downhill from there.

2. I remember fish Smyth and his fish old lady ??? (was it Chase?) did a skit about Slentz and his roomie. I remember Scott was acting as Slentz's roommate. The background to the punchline was: Slentz was bragging about how much ass he was getting and I remember Scott saying "Slentz, the only time you ever got a piece of ass was when your finger went through the toilet paper when you were wiping yourself. " The house came down. It was great!

3.After the night at Shiloh there was a caravan to the chicken ranch. I remember I went ...but only to look...really! There were five of us; Ed Banks was one and maybe Ken Black, but WHO were the other three?